Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Finally Starting To Transition - Transmasculine

If y'all have been here for a few years, you know that I'm nonbinary. After a lot of soul searching, I've realized that I am much closer to male than anything else. Still not quite all the way male, but pretty close. I like the term transmasculine. I'd like to use male pronouns online. I'm still pretty closeted in my real life, unfortunately, and so will have to keep using female pronouns out and about for a while.

I live in a small rural town in the southern US and am terrified of how people will react, but I've decided to start transitioning slowly and just answer questions as they come. I know it might not be the best or most honest way, but I'm really scared to lose the few relationships I have.

I plan to legally change my name to Skyler hopefully next month, as well as buying a binder as soon as I can afford it (hopefully next month for that as well). I have to use my birth name in medical settings, which I am often in multiple times a week. I was named after my great-grandmother, so I respect the name, but I've been super uncomfortable with it my entire life. My parents get my name right 99% of the time, but occasionally slip up with my old nickname which was a shortened version of my middle name. They do correct it when it happens thankfully. The rest of my family really struggles, except for the cousins I've always been really close to. They haven't slipped up once. <3 My physical therapist's office is careful to call me Skyler, as is my mental health therapist. Doctors seem to take forever to get it right, even though I see them at least once a month.

I'm so excited to start binding my chest again. I did it a few years ago when I first came out as nonbinary to my parents, but I had to stop due to my health declining and it becoming a bit dangerous. I am the healthiest I've been in years right now, and as long as I make sure to stretch and to take care of my lungs, it will be fine now. I managed to get the courage to ask my physical therapist for tips on how to take care of my ribs while binding. She was very respectful and gave me some stretches without asking a lot of questions. She could tell I was uncomfortable and so just answered my questions and moved on.

My mom and I are planning to save up a bit each month so I can have top surgery in the future. We never have a lot of money, but we're going to do our best to put some money away unless there is an emergency that month. Just thinking about top surgery gives me so much hope.

I don't know if I will end up going on testosterone. Mainly because I am already losing a lot of hair. No one can tell me why, but my hair has become at least twice as thin as it was before. I really don't want to lose even more, but I am still considering it. I would really love to deepen my voice. It's one of the main things that will keep me from passing as male.

On a final funny note, I used to joke that I had "the personality of a gay guy", and after all these years I finally figured out that it's because I pretty much am a gay guy. (I know there is no one way to be gay, but especially when I was younger I was a bit stereotypical.) My mom and I had a really good laugh about that. :P Anyway, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm excited and scared at the same time.


P.S. I can't wait to get a haircut omg!


Saturday, October 24, 2020

Halloween Outfit 2020 - Sorry It's Late

I'm so sorry that this is so late in October. My computer was being repaired and I couldn't upload sooner.


2020's Halloween Outfit is a cute modern outfit fot the HGEC body. It has an off the shoulder top with a pumpkin pattern and a black undershirt. It has cute black capri pants and orange Converse shoes. It is topped off with an orange hairbow that comes in both amulet and tail slot varieties. It can be found in the testing hall on the other side of the pillar from where you teleport in. To get to the testinghall, open the console and type "coc testinghall" without the quotes. The outfit is in a pumpkin patterned giftbox that will respawn. To leave, go through the door on the pillar to Hawkhaven and fast travel from there.





I hope you enjoy!


Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Introducing Fjord Windsinger


I have another permanent character to introduce you guys to. This is Fjord Windsinger. He is Freya's younger brother. He has recently left the Imperial Legion because the call of adventure was just to strong. He plans to wander Cyrodiil looking for people in need as he loves to help people and wants to see all that the province has to offer. He will be doing a ton of misc quests and visiting the smaller towns further from the big cities. (I have several mods that add more small towns as well.) Fjord isn't as devout as his sister, but he still feels a strong connection to Stendarr and tries to honor His tenets at all times. He currently doesn't have a custom home, but he enjoys camping in the wilderness as he travels. He wears heavy armor and wields a heavy battleaxe with ease.

Picture Show:





His helmet has hair!!




 

Sunday, September 13, 2020

Luna's House Pics & Request For Feedback

Those of you who have been following this blog for some time will know that I am constantly remodeling my self-character Luna's house. It's been an ongoing pet project sense I started modding Oblivion. I recently decided to completely move the house as I was getting weird landscape issues with other mods in the Anvil area, and to be honest, I was getting bored of it all. 

I've moved Luna's house in between Skingrad and Bravil. It is textured to match Skingrad architecture, even though it is closer to Bravil, because Bravil is a rundown mess and I want Luna's house to look nice.

I'm going to post some pictures here of what I currently have done, mainly for a journal of my progress for me to look back at later. I hope you will enjoy checking them out as well. The house isn't very decorated yet, but I am working on it.

Also, if anyone has any lore-friendly suggestions, please feel free to comment them below. I make no promises that I'll use them, but I would love the inspiration and conversation. 

Lastly, I would like to name the cottage something other than "Luna's Cottage". If anyone has any ideas, please leave them below. I like to take the area and nearby landmarks into account, but there really isn't much near the cottage. There is an Ayleid well and a waterfall, but neither are giving me any naming inspiration. As an example of this, Suzania's cottage is near Shadeleaf Copse, and therefor is called Shadeleaf Retreat.

Pics:



(The lighting isn't quite right yet...)








Nearby Waterfall



Monday, August 31, 2020

Honey-Brown Furniture Resource

I have sadly had this sitting on my computer for a couple of years, but never got around to putting the finishing touches on it. I was no longer using it in Luna's house and it just fell by the wayside. I am glad to have finally finished it up so I can share it with you guys. 

Note: I checked every mesh to make sure the texture path glitch isn't present. It is all good to go.

-- The images don't show everything. --











If you use this resource, you need to credit me and everyone on in my credits list. Please let me know what you do with it. I'm always curious.

Credits:

Riley Marks
Stroti
jbvw
Anistar
Aisis
Garnet
kaizit
ORTEAM
Tarnsman
Xiamara
Yevic
Oblivimonk
RenderStuff.com
side777
plaintextures.com
textures.com


Saturday, August 22, 2020

Texture Pathing Issues in 2018-2020 Mods - So Sorry About That!! - Find Fixes Here

 I just wanted to jump on here real quick and let you guys know that I have had a glitch in nifskope for a while. I'm not sure what caused it but it is better now. Some of the meshes in my mods starting in 2018 have textures with their paths starting in the "D:" drive. Sorry about this. Links to the updated mods are below. The links on the original pages will link to the fixed files as well.
I am so sorry!!
Also please, please let me know in the future if there is something wrong with a mod I upload. This was happening for two years before I realized something was wrong. It looks normal in game on my pc, so I didn't realize until now.

- Also compressed some textures on steampunk outfits -
- Shaman's Armor actually had incorrect mesh paths due to my brain fog. Seamed like the best place to post the fix though. -

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Chronic Illness Update - My Mast Cells Have Gone Crazy

You guys have heard me talk about my Mast Cell Activation Syndrome before. It's the allergy disorder that makes me dangerously allergic to so, so much random stuff. Well, it has kicked into high gear like never before. I am now having severe reactions to almost every food. Literally, I can eat rice products and blueberries. My main source of nutrition is now coming from a chocolate flavored feeding tube formula that luckily doesn't actually require a feeding tube. It tastes good, and so I can drink it orally. If I stop tolerating that, though, I will have to get a feeding tube to get nutrition from an extremely hypo-allergenic formula that will require a tube. I am so scared and so depressed over this. I need to loose weight, and I am happy that I am, but I have lost 40 pounds so far just because I can't eat normally. Not because I was actually trying to loose weight actively. Glad for the weight loss, sad that it's because I'm too sick to eat normally now. I lost one of my "safe foods" a few days ago. I have been able to eat broccoli with no problems up until a few days ago. I cooked some up, ate it, and my throat started swelling closed (anaphylaxis). This is so frustrating and scary. I really feel like I don't know what to do, even though I am always thinking one step ahead with my health to keep me from stressing about what might happen. I try to think of "if this common (for my conditions) complication happens, then we will do this", but even though I know what the next step would be, I just feel so out of control. If you're the praying type, please send some my way, otherwise please just keep me in your thoughts. I'm really not doing well, physically or emotionally, but I'm working hard to get the depression under control. It will not control my life!


Flushing From Mast Cell Reactions (My Hair Is Wet, Not Dirty)


Weight Loss Comparison In My Face (From Illness!! - Please Don't Think I'm Bragging. I didn't earn this.)


What's Keeping Me Going