I live in a small rural town in the southern US and am terrified of how people will react, but I've decided to start transitioning slowly and just answer questions as they come. I know it might not be the best or most honest way, but I'm really scared to lose the few relationships I have.
I plan to legally change my name to Skyler hopefully next month, as well as buying a binder as soon as I can afford it (hopefully next month for that as well). I have to use my birth name in medical settings, which I am often in multiple times a week. I was named after my great-grandmother, so I respect the name, but I've been super uncomfortable with it my entire life. My parents get my name right 99% of the time, but occasionally slip up with my old nickname which was a shortened version of my middle name. They do correct it when it happens thankfully. The rest of my family really struggles, except for the cousins I've always been really close to. They haven't slipped up once. <3 My physical therapist's office is careful to call me Skyler, as is my mental health therapist. Doctors seem to take forever to get it right, even though I see them at least once a month.
I'm so excited to start binding my chest again. I did it a few years ago when I first came out as nonbinary to my parents, but I had to stop due to my health declining and it becoming a bit dangerous. I am the healthiest I've been in years right now, and as long as I make sure to stretch and to take care of my lungs, it will be fine now. I managed to get the courage to ask my physical therapist for tips on how to take care of my ribs while binding. She was very respectful and gave me some stretches without asking a lot of questions. She could tell I was uncomfortable and so just answered my questions and moved on.
My mom and I are planning to save up a bit each month so I can have top surgery in the future. We never have a lot of money, but we're going to do our best to put some money away unless there is an emergency that month. Just thinking about top surgery gives me so much hope.
I don't know if I will end up going on testosterone. Mainly because I am already losing a lot of hair. No one can tell me why, but my hair has become at least twice as thin as it was before. I really don't want to lose even more, but I am still considering it. I would really love to deepen my voice. It's one of the main things that will keep me from passing as male.
On a final funny note, I used to joke that I had "the personality of a gay guy", and after all these years I finally figured out that it's because I pretty much am a gay guy. (I know there is no one way to be gay, but especially when I was younger I was a bit stereotypical.) My mom and I had a really good laugh about that. :P Anyway, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm excited and scared at the same time.
